Because nothing says "Maui" like canned corned beef hash

Sometimes it’s good to be a tourist. former San Francisco Chronicle Travel Editor John Flinn proves this (albeit unintentionally) with his piece extolling the virtues of local Hawaiian cuisine. Which consists primarily of Spam, plate lunches, and holeless donuts.

My grandfather was forcing his entire family to experience Real Local Culture™ in Hawaii before John Flinn scored his first clip. I remember eating a plate lunch as a child, because that’s what Grandpa wanted us to eat. My poor parents had to quell my sobbing and force me to choke down the sugared spam and week-old premade macaroni salad, even as they had to paste on smiles and shovel their own portions past their gritted teeth.

Yes, they pour sugar syrup sauce onto Spam. It’s…something.

As a (gasp and shudder of horror) tourist on an Hawaiian island, I dine often on the freshest caught opakapaka, ono, mahi mahi, and other fabulous fresh fish cooked in dozens of imaginative ways by hard working chefs catering to discriminating palates from around the world. If I “go local,” I get spam, white rice, hamburger patties, and macaroni salad.

Gee, let me think about this for a minute.

Even overlooking the dubious culinary and nutritional quality of the average plate lunch and the ingredients list on a can of Spam, there’s still a problem with the “go local” notion described in Flinn’s article. I can get Spam, white rice, and fried eggs at home. All of these things are in fact available in just about every supermarket in the continental United States. Local Hawaiians eat at McDonald’s a lot too—that doesn’t mean I’m going to line up like a lemming to buy a Big Mac and call it a culinary adventure.

I am fascinated that Flinn somehow managed to miss poi, the horrid purple paste made from taro and foisted off on hapless tourists at countless hotel luaus. An historic food staple of native Hawaiians, the taste of poi helps to make it clear why instant rice and Egg McMuffins became so popular on the islands.

It’s ironic that Flinn slurped up all that Spam, yet he refused to bite into the Maui sweet onion—the only honest-to-goshness unique local food he mentions. Granted, he is right about the farm stand produce in Hawaii—most of it is grown in small local gardens, picked exactly when ripe, and hand-carried to the market stall. But to be honest, the farm stands of Maui look kind of sad compared to the marvelous every-day farmer’s market in downtown Kona on the Big Island, where I purchased my first white pineapple and fell hopelessly in love.

To me, the point of culinary tours and food-based travel is to get the chance to eat things I can’t find at home. Opakapaka (Hawaiian pink snapper), one of my all-time favorite fish, is not sold in my local Lucky’s. I can only get it when I visit the Hawaiian Islands, and if I have to eat in a resort restaurant to find opakapaka, I’ll do it. With (local tropical fruit) relish. Likewise, if a hotel breakfast buffet features white pineapple, I’m going to get me some of that because white pineapple is not exported to California.

Hawaii has amazing local food. You’ve just got to first swallow your pride and become a tourist to find it.

Photo (c) EffingFoodie on flikr

Lower McCloud Falls

The McCloud River tumbles off rocks and into deep blue pools in three sort-of-near-each-other spots. Some creative brain trust named them Lower McCloud Falls, Middle McCloud Falls, and Upper McCloud Falls. Young (and occasionally not-so-young) men jump off the cliffs surrounding these falls. I passed on this opportunity to transform into an extreme athlete (read: fool) or an ice-pop.

Eric, who grew up swimming in the ocean just outside of Portland Oregon without a wetsuit, took the plunge into the Lower Falls pool. In truth, it’s a known deep pool and Falls just isn’t that tall.

Just for the record, the “1/2 mile” walk from Lower Falls to Middle Falls took about a year to traverse. Luckily for the Falls, they were photogenic. Unluckily for me, the shallow puddles at the edge of the pool contained zillions of wasps. I don’t like wasps. I left.

After the long trudge back to the truck, we drove off in search of the promised road to Upper Falls. This road…well, they’d tried to patch up a few of the potholes on one end. And I didn’t have to shift into 4wd.

Upper Falls were lovely–the river has carved out the beginnings of a gorge, and the Falls jet out of the cliff as though propelled through a tunnel.

Today, I remained a dustball. The suitcase shall be unpacked directly into the washing machine. Final thoughts on transformation tomorrow or Monday. Probably Monday.

The 2ish-mile scenic plod out to Mossbrae Falls is not an easy stroll down a paved State Park path. Instead, sentenced to the fate every travel writer fears most, I used the directions in Moon California to find an unmarked patch of dirt beside the railroad tracks running beside the Sacramento River. This is the “trail head.” I probably should have photographed it. Live and learn.

That's Mt. Shasta in the distance

The path to Mossbrae Falls runs on the active Union Pacific rail line. For real. Do not, not, not, bring small (hike’s too long) or ill-behaved large children of any age on this trek. Keep your ears and eyes open at all times. Trains travel this line every day. More on that later.

At least the “trail” is flat. It has to be–freight trains don’t react well to bumps.

We plodded across the bedrock in the hot sun, marveling at the tenacity of blackberry brambles and Douglas fir trees.

Doesn't this look like fun?

Two miles hence, we find what we think is the “path” down to the river and the waterfalls. We basically slide down the side of the railroad trestle on our butts. Mercifully, we found the real (much gentler) trail for the climb back up later.

Was all this work worth our while? Yes.

I climbed a rock! Maybe I’ve got a future as a travel writer after all.

I couldn’t get over Mossbrae Falls. So gorgeous! I didn’t want to leave.

But I had to go eventually. Remember those trains I mentioned earlier? Here’s one of them.

No, I did not tighten the angle on the lens of my camera.

Having survived the freight train, on the way back to Redding I convinced Eric to stop at my all-time er…favorite…restroom ever.

It’s in Pollard Flat. Which is the working title of the horror movie I’m co-writing with Daymon.

To conclude: my directions to Mossbrae Falls, and my description of those falls in my guidebook, are accurate. Take that, you stinkin’ petard!

Here’s the Boyfriend, whose head doesn’t quite hit the door frame of our handi-accessible bathroom in the Motel 6 Redding South. Our room is precisely what I expect from a $50/night motel experience: a small windowed box with industrial carpet, a hard bed, a small TV, and a serviceable bathroom. The inexpertly-spread polyester quilt in the (loud) signature Motel 6 print provides the only decorative touch in the room. No cheesy landscape prints or wallpaper borders. (Hey, budget travel does have advantages!) This is definitely a no-frills experience, “frills” meaning drawers, closets, clocks, and Kleenex.

The bathroom is bigger than I feared it might be, and has more towel racks than some add-a-zero-to-that-pricetag/night hotel rooms I have known.

Clearly, someone has put some work into the exterior of this particular Motel 6. It’s actually kind of pretty, with clean stucco archways, working lights, and a lack of that “I’m about to be attacked” feel I get in the parking lots of many cheap motels.

The pool (an important feature to any summertime Redding-bound traveler) is the showpiece. The clear water looks inviting, and most of the chaises have all their rubberized slats intact. Even the guests only key-entry gate works.

My check-in experience went bizarrely well. The Desk Guy had my reservation, added a day without complaint, and even had a few good recommendations for things to see and do.

So where does Desk Guy tell us to eat? Why, at The Lumberjacks, of course. To be continued…

I’ve never traveled this road before. I look forward to hearing all about the fabulous metropolis of Quincy from my parents, who will be visiting the nearby Western Pacific Railroad Museum in Portola, CA this summer. Apparently Portola does not contain a suitable hostelry (Mom is picky about those things). So they’ll stay in Quincy. Which is better?

Next time I visit North Gold Country, I’ll detour to CA-162 and check it out. Looks like good fishing and possibly some boating up there. And trains. Thanks to early training (ha ha) from Dad, I do honestly love me some trains.

So without further ado, the first in a series of Real Opinions(tm) about parks I’ve visited. Most in California, but not all.

Yosemite National Park

Half Dome from Yosemite Valley

Yosemite’s gorgeous godcrafted granite inspires awe in visitors, me included. It’s hard to hike more than 50 feet anywhere in the park without tripping over some oft-photographed natural wonder. It’s no wonder that Ansel Adams practically had to be carried out of Yosemite in a lodgepole-pine box.* Yosemite’s a great park, and I adore its scenery, waterfalls, and high-mountain streams and lakes.

What I don’t adore are Yosemite’s crowds. On a summer Saturday, you’ll see almost as many people and cars as you will rocks and trees. Expect a horizontal parking lot on the one-way tracks in the Valley, and nightmarish stop-and-go traffic jams for dozens of miles on all the roads leading to the park’s two western gates. It’s like LA with redwoods.

I also just don’t love Yosemite Village on the Valley Floor. It’s got this slick outdoorsy theme-park-beginning-with-Mouse feel to it that doesn’t work for me. If I want to go to a theme park, I’ll go to a theme park. Heaven knows California’s got plenty of them to choose from. If I want to go to an iconic National Park, I want to be outside looking at the big rocks, hearing the rushing of streams, smelling the forest, feeling the breeze, tasting the sap…cliches like that. But honestly, isn’t that the point of a big protected natural park? To offer visitors a chance to commune with nature?

Museum at Wawona, Yosemite

Maybe it’s just me. Certainly the herds of tour-bus tourists seem content to snap the requisite shots of Half Dome and then climb back aboard their air-conditioned, hermetically sealed conveyances to watch more digital TV.

Not me–I want dirt, dammit! Maybe a touch of sweat and even a mosquito bite or two to remind me that the entire world does not consist of tract housing and strip malls.

So if I want to go to Yosemite, I try for off-day, off-season, and off-destination trips. I love me some Tioga Pass wilderness, and someday hope to be both lucky enough and well enough to do a backpacking trip in the High Country. While I can’t bring myself to go in for the Village, I am willing to grok the tent cabins and prepared meals along the major backpacking routes. Hypocrisy, thy name is Liz. In the meantime,  a trip along the Pass with a few day hikes on a spring or fall Wednesday keeps me away from the bulk of the crowds while letting me enjoy some of the warm-weather sights and routes. (The pass is closed from Nov-April each year.)

The domes and crags of Yosemite also look pretty when snow-frosted. In fact, the only time I’ll voluntarily undertake a trip to the Valley is on a winter weekday. I get less traffic, less people, and a different experience altogether. Hiking trails become XC ski trails, and the Badger Pass Ski Lodge doles out hot coffee and cocoa for a mere $8 per paper cup. Hey, it’s still Yosemite!

Overall attitude: Never been to Yosemite? It’s worth seeing the Valley at least once. Preferrably not on Memorial Day, Labor Day, or July 4th weekend.

Returning visitors: Do a winter trip up to Badger or down to the Valley. In summer, head straight for the Pass.

Pluses: Gorgeous iconic scenery. Huge variety of hiking trails for all ages and ability levels. Good accessibility for disabled folks and the less outdoorsy.

Minuses: Big crowds. Ridiculous traffic both in and out; worst when leaving on Sundays. Must make reservations for prime lodgings, including campsites, months in advance.

Discuss.

Alpine Lake near Tioga Pass, Yosemite

Got a free weekend coming up and a yearning to hug a protected tree? The National Park Service has announced three weekends of free admission to all the National Parks in the United States this summer. Though the first one has passed, you’ve got two more chances to get your park on for free. The weekends are July 18-19 and August 15-16.

California is crammed with National Parks, National Monuments, National Preserves, National Forests, National Historic Trails, and National Recreation Areas. Some are easy to get to and explore. Others, erhm, provide a wonderful isolated experience for back-country backpackers. Choose your destination from the menu:

Cabrillo National Monument
Death Valley National Park
John Muir National Historic Site
Joshua Tree National Park
Lassen Volcanic National Park
Lava Beds National Monument
Muir Woods National Monument
Pinnacles National Monument
San Francisco Maratime National Historical Park
Sequoia National Park
Whiskeytown Unit National Recreation Area
Yosemite National Park

Honestly, I wouldn’t go within 50 miles of Yosemite on either of the freebee weekends. Don’t get me wrong–I love me some soaring scenery and waterfall hikes. But Yosemite Valley’s one-way loop road resembles a horizontal parking lot on any average summer Saturday. I can’t even begin to imagine what it will be on the free weekends.

If you feel up to braving the crowds, check out the High Country along Tioga Pass. And look at the towns a few miles outside the park for lodgings or campgrounds with space still available.

Be aware that a major portion of the indoor museum at the San Francisco Maritime NHP is closed for renovations right now.

My favorite National Park in CA is Lassen Volcanic National Park. I also adore Death Valley, but midsummer isn’t the best time to explore its low-altitude wonders. Pinnacles is pretty easy to access from the Bay Area. The more remote NorCal locations–Whiskeytown, Lava Beds, and Lassen, will feature smaller crowds and some great summer hiking, biking, camping, fishing, and freshwater lake swimming.

Death Valley, California

Mmmm…parks!

Thanks for your patience!

Sarah Nealis as Juliet, CalShakes 2009, photo by Kevin Berne

It’s summertime in California (meteorological evidence to the contrary), and that means barbecues, bikinis, beach parties, and the Bard. That is, Shakespeare Festivals! Across the state, theater groups are brushing up on their iambic pentameter and preparing to produce a panoply of plays, from petite to prodigious, indoors or outdoors, free to pricey.

Though the granddaddy of all Shakespeare fests goes up in Ashland, Oregon, various California companies seek to compete with shows of their own.

CalShakes

Out in the determinedly residential East Bay town of Orinda, the California Shakespeare Festival balances its season between the Bard’s famed plays and one or two newer shows.

The outdoor amphitheater features grassy steps serving as seats—pack blankets, pillows, coats, blankets, hot drinks, and more blankets. It gets chilly during the second act. If you like picnics, go ahead and bring one—the theater opens well before the show starts to let seat-holders enjoy a relaxed outdoor meal. There are concessions outside the amphitheater, and the food’s not bad but it is predictably expensive. But the hot coffee at intermission can be a lifesaver on colder nights!

Shakespeare Santa Cruz

With one outdoor theater, one indoor theater, and the support and sponsorship of UC Santa Cruz, Shakespeare Santa Cruz puts up great shows every summer.

For my money, the outdoor theater is far more fun. It’s in the redwood forest, and picnicking is encouraged. Since you’re in Santa Cruz, you can pick up some fresh breads from the legendary (and delicious!) Alfaro’s (412 E Riverside Dr, Watsonville, CA 95076 (831) 728-5827). Do bring your folding lawn chairs if you want a seat with a back to it.

Lake Tahoe Shakespeare Festival

What could be better than watching a grand production of a classic play with the endless drama of Lake Tahoe as the backdrop? The Foothill Theater produces this festival every year—actors from across the state come to audition for parts in this prestigious festival.

Shady Shakes

A perennial SF Bay Area favorite, Shady Shakes puts up fun and free productions of Shakespeare’s best-known works in Silicon Valley parks.

Carmel Shakespeare Festival

 Another Shakespeare Festival with a great setting, a vacation in Carmel is always wonderful, whether you love the Bard or not.