So without further ado, the first in a series of Real Opinions(tm) about parks I’ve visited. Most in California, but not all.

Yosemite National Park

Half Dome from Yosemite Valley

Yosemite’s gorgeous godcrafted granite inspires awe in visitors, me included. It’s hard to hike more than 50 feet anywhere in the park without tripping over some oft-photographed natural wonder. It’s no wonder that Ansel Adams practically had to be carried out of Yosemite in a lodgepole-pine box.* Yosemite’s a great park, and I adore its scenery, waterfalls, and high-mountain streams and lakes.

What I don’t adore are Yosemite’s crowds. On a summer Saturday, you’ll see almost as many people and cars as you will rocks and trees. Expect a horizontal parking lot on the one-way tracks in the Valley, and nightmarish stop-and-go traffic jams for dozens of miles on all the roads leading to the park’s two western gates. It’s like LA with redwoods.

I also just don’t love Yosemite Village on the Valley Floor. It’s got this slick outdoorsy theme-park-beginning-with-Mouse feel to it that doesn’t work for me. If I want to go to a theme park, I’ll go to a theme park. Heaven knows California’s got plenty of them to choose from. If I want to go to an iconic National Park, I want to be outside looking at the big rocks, hearing the rushing of streams, smelling the forest, feeling the breeze, tasting the sap…cliches like that. But honestly, isn’t that the point of a big protected natural park? To offer visitors a chance to commune with nature?

Museum at Wawona, Yosemite

Maybe it’s just me. Certainly the herds of tour-bus tourists seem content to snap the requisite shots of Half Dome and then climb back aboard their air-conditioned, hermetically sealed conveyances to watch more digital TV.

Not me–I want dirt, dammit! Maybe a touch of sweat and even a mosquito bite or two to remind me that the entire world does not consist of tract housing and strip malls.

So if I want to go to Yosemite, I try for off-day, off-season, and off-destination trips. I love me some Tioga Pass wilderness, and someday hope to be both lucky enough and well enough to do a backpacking trip in the High Country. While I can’t bring myself to go in for the Village, I am willing to grok the tent cabins and prepared meals along the major backpacking routes. Hypocrisy, thy name is Liz. In the meantime,  a trip along the Pass with a few day hikes on a spring or fall Wednesday keeps me away from the bulk of the crowds while letting me enjoy some of the warm-weather sights and routes. (The pass is closed from Nov-April each year.)

The domes and crags of Yosemite also look pretty when snow-frosted. In fact, the only time I’ll voluntarily undertake a trip to the Valley is on a winter weekday. I get less traffic, less people, and a different experience altogether. Hiking trails become XC ski trails, and the Badger Pass Ski Lodge doles out hot coffee and cocoa for a mere $8 per paper cup. Hey, it’s still Yosemite!

Overall attitude: Never been to Yosemite? It’s worth seeing the Valley at least once. Preferrably not on Memorial Day, Labor Day, or July 4th weekend.

Returning visitors: Do a winter trip up to Badger or down to the Valley. In summer, head straight for the Pass.

Pluses: Gorgeous iconic scenery. Huge variety of hiking trails for all ages and ability levels. Good accessibility for disabled folks and the less outdoorsy.

Minuses: Big crowds. Ridiculous traffic both in and out; worst when leaving on Sundays. Must make reservations for prime lodgings, including campsites, months in advance.