Not that I’d voluntarily eat any of the items shown and described in this article. Especially those purveyed by Toxic Bell–I’ve known one too many people who’ve gotten a free ambulance ride to the ER after eating their “food.” The very smell of a Jack in the Box “restaurant” makes me sick to my stomach. I think it’s something about the specific content of the grease they use.

It’s only fair to mention that with the exception of In-N-Out burgers, I don’t eat fast food at all regularly–maybe once or twice per year, if that.  I’ll get an In-N-Out burger once every 2-3 months.

Fast food isn’t food. Especially when it’s bright red and orangey-speckled yellow.

In honor of the holiday, I give you:

Peeps
Things People Have Done With Peeps
More Things People Have Done With Peeps

I have, in the interest of…um…science (that’s it, science!) committed my own experimental atrocities against peeps. The following results were obtained:

* Peeps don’t burn!!! When put in the middle of a campfire, peeps do not catch fire or melt immediately. Instead, they sit frighteningly unaffected while the flames surround them for up to 15 minutes. At that point, the peeps start to slowly expand and bubble. 10 more minutes, and the peeps begin to shrivel. After the fire is out, expect to find a strange gooey black lump where the peeps were.

* When soaked in cheap bourbon for a minimum of 2 minutes, a peep tossed onto a bonfire catches fire almost immediately.

* Bourbon-soaked peeps taste somewhere between repulsive and appalling.

* No one I know, with the noteable exception of Daymon, will eat a bourbon-soaked peep.

Obviously I need to make Scary Foods a semi-regular feature.

This week: Squeez Bacon

100% bacon in a tube, because everything is better with BACON!

whimper