Eats, Writes, and Leaves

Memo to writing coaches everywhere: Please note the date. October 28, 2009. The important part being 2009.  Delete the hyphen from the word email–that spelling is so last millenium. Stop using made-up phrases like “E-query.” An emailed query is a query, not some strange hybrid that you need to call out with a new word that makes you read like you haven’t paid much attention to changes in all that newfangled technology stuff since about 1998. Which seems a trifle disingenuous of you, given that you’re running a monetized blog.

(For the record, some of your readers were still in school in 1998. And by “school,” I mean “6th grade.” )

And for the love of all that’s good and holy to the publishing industry, drop the riff about using heavyweight stationary and smaller/larger envelopes in letters of introduction to editors. Many of us young whippersnappers will get precisely squat out of writing an on-paper pitch or letter of introduction to editors and agents, even if we illuminate it in freakin’ 24-carat gold leaf on genuine goat vellum.

How can that possibly be? It’s what you did a mere 10 or 15 or 20 years ago and it worked spectacularly for you! And you know that the industry has changed–you’ve got a blog and a Facebook page and everything! But it hasn’t changed that much, no sirree. Paper letters still work!

No, they really really do not.

As a young whippersnapper who’s been publishing in magazines, newspapers, and books for a mere 8 years, I straddle the generation gap in publishing. I’ve tried it all, including on-paper, US-mailed letters to editors, emails, tweeting, Facebook messages, and answering ads on Craigslist.

Most surprisingly useful method of getting paying writing gigs: Answering ads on Craigslist.

Most surprisingly useless method of getting any response whatsoever: Sending paper letters.

I have never, not even ONCE, gotten a paying gig by sending a paper letter to an editor, despite everything I’ve read about how important paper letters are to The Industry(tm).

I got my first book deal by answering a Craigslist ad.

It’s increasingly frustrating to see writing teachers, coaches, and bloggers continuing to roll out creaky, useless advice about SASEs and Egyptian cotton stationary even as the print media industry implodes before our very eyes.

Please, I’m begging you, can you stop writing articles about how to E-Query an agent and start addressing methods to drive traffic to my blog and writing for iPhone apps? Thank you.

(For my younger readers, the acronym means Self Addressed Stamped Envelope. No, it’s nothing you need to worry about in your 21st century writing career.)